And Now For Something Completely Different....

I've decided to do a little side project that goes along with my GB surgery to better prepare for the post-op effects, and hopefully, to help out others who are going along the same journey as I am.  At St. Joseph East, where I am having the operation, we are required to see not only the run-of-the-mill physician to see to your needs and requirements, but also, a nutrition therapist, and Exercise Physiologist, and a Psychologist to round out the other needs that go along with having the surgery.  As per my nutrition therapist's orders, I am supposed to try out the many and various methods of supplementing protein, such as shakes, mixes, meal bars, etc. just to get a taste for what I enjoy so that I'm not stuck drinking a grainy, chalky protein shake to get my 60-80g minimum in. So here's what I'm doing. Once, weekly, I'll purchase a different kind of protein supplement and write about it, telling it's pros and cons, and then place it, based on my good taste ;), on a scale from 1-10. Things I'll take into consideration are: -first and foremost- taste, texture, aftertaste, price, etc. and hopefully it will turn out to be helpful down the road sometime. I've decided to forgo giving my opinion about the amounts of protein, carbohydrates, sugars and what have you, simply because I am not fit to give that kind of advice. However, I will list the Nutritional Facts along with the chart that I'll make for that particular product.


So far I've only tried a few supplements, the majority of them not being great...but here's what I have so far...

Muscle Milk Light - Chocolate

Taste- 5 -Combines a fake chocolate taste with a fake milk taste.  Not bad, but it's painfully obvious that you're drinking a supplement shake dressed up by a mediocre chocolate milk rip-off.
Texture- 4 - Kind of chalky, but not as bad as I've tried.
Aftertaste- 4 - It has that calorie-free aftertaste kind of like drinking a diet cola after you're so used to drinking regular cola.

Price- 6 -(18 cents/ounce -$6.00 for a pack of four at Wal-Mart)

Total Average: 4.75 - On the lower side of just average.

LeanBody Protein Shake - Chocolate Ice Cream
Taste-  5It holds up to it's name...it actually tastes like chocolate ice cream...diet chocolate ice cream, however. Very obviously flavored with cheap artificial sweeteners.
Texture-6 Thick, chalky...but not too bad. Would probably drink again if I were totally out of more preferred supplements.
Aftertaste- 5 -Diet-y, but not nearly as bad as Muscle Milk Light.
Price- 6 (around 18 cents/ounce -12 pk for $36.95 at netrition.com)

Total Average: 5.5

Atkins Advantage - Mocha Latte Shake and Milk Chocolate Delight
Taste- 9 -Tastes like something you're not allowed to drink! I actually have one when I'm getting crabby because I'm craving something sweet, but can't have junk food. Very little diet-y flavor, if any at all.
Texture- 9 -Smooth, creamy, very, VERY little chalky flavor.
Aftertaste- 10- None.
Price- 7 -(12 cents/ounce - $5.25 at Wal-Mart)

Total Average - 8.75 -LOVE this product. Yum!

Isopure Liquid - Mango Peach

Taste- 3 -Fruity to start, which is nice, but then the protein-y flavor hits you. Like a train. It ends up tasting a bit like vomit. DH had to use mouthwash after trying.
Texture- 10 - I have to give it excellent marks for this. The product itself is a thin, transparent fluid that has the same drinkable texture of Kool-Aid. The taste however...
Aftertaste- 3 -Vomitey. Blech.
Price- 6.5 (12.5 cents/ounce - around $5.00 (!) per 20 oz bottle)

Total Average: 5.275 - I honestly wouldn't give it that, simply because the taste is absolutely atrocious...but numbers don't lie. The Pineapple Orange Banana has a better taste, but is still pretty bad.

ARGHFLARGHDAMNITALLTOHELL

It seems like more and more of these posts begin like that, huh? Maybe it's because of the utter incompetence of 99% of human beings in the medical field.

Let me back up and tell you the whole story.  It's been almost a month since the whole sweet tea ordeal, where I received the official "OK" from my doctor that I am ready to have this blasting surgery.  That day, I was given a form for my primary care physician to fill out and return saying that I have, indeed, been dieting for 6 months or more. So, to make a long story short, I took it to my doctor, and she almost flat-out refused, until I convinced her to write down everything I'm saying. So I had it done. But it turns out, she didn't fill it out correctly.  The WLC sent it back so I had my DH run it back to her and ask her to fill it out correctly. She refused to work with him, even though he has the permission to access all of my medical records. She claims I need to make an appointment to see her to fill it out correctly, you know, to get her $10 co-pay and all, and then she tells me that she can't write down anything that wasn't already included on the form, insinuating that I'm asking her to LIE for me.  Now, allow me to backtrack a little and fill my readers in on something.  MY doctor is a wack-job. However, she is the only doctor in the area that isn't a legalized drug-dealer, but she is an alcoholic...like, big time. She comes to work reeking of booze. Ew, right?

Once again, to make a long story short, I decide to make yet ANOTHER appointment with her, and lo and behold, she is out for the entire week...this happened on a Monday, FYI. So I decided to get a copy of my records and just hand write everything out myself. It technically is not fraud because I wrote down everything that was already previously documented.  I send it to the insurance coordinator today, and get a call back saying that everything looks great except for the fact that the 6 months documented weren't 6 MONTHS IN A ROW. I have to have proof of a doctors visits every month for 6 months. I had no idea I needed to do that until NOW. How much crap is that? Like I have the money to be shelling out for a doctors visit every month for 6 months. I don't have the TIME, either!

What irritates me is that they ask for a history of your health, then go on to tell me I can't have the surgery because I don't have enough proof that I've been dieting for the past 6 months of my life? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You know, considering I've been battling being obese since FREAKING AGE 8!

GAH.



/rant




As a side note: And now I've been so upset, I've eaten like, 180% of my daily carb intake.  Mongolian Beef has a way of hitting the spot when you're pissed off at the entire medical profession.

Friday Night Lights-Out

Firstly, I feel that it's appropriate to preface this with the notice that I am still pretty thoroughly medicated, so be not offended.

Secondly...YAY!!!

Today was my second round of testing and follow-up's at St. Joe's for the bariatric process.  First was the psychological review, then labs, followed lastly by an EKG and an EGD. What a day folks.  I've not seen this much action since, well, I dunno. My visit with the psychologist went smoothly, and he offered some great advice about talking to my DH about the repurcussions of a newly-skinny wife and our relationship, yadda yadda. Then onto the Nutritionist, who for all the world looks akin to Amy Poehler, who commended me on a 7 pound loss, and then lastly the Exercise Physiologist who told me nothing short of "keep up the good work."

Next was the labs portion, which I'm terribly impressed with.  From the minute I walked into the office, I neither had to sit down in the waiting room, nor experience the horror that is untrained phlebotomists. (I actually had labs yesterday too, at a different place, and I could swear that the woman dug so deep into my arm, I could swear she hit muscle.) As soon as I entered the room, I was out again in, literally, less than three minutes.  The woman was terribly efficient, made everything as painless as possible, and was very friendly and complimented my heinously protruding blue vein in my right inner-elbow, deeming it a "dandy."

The EGD and  EKG were the things I dreaded the most, when in all reality, was the least bothersome thing of the whole day.  I was called into the Endoscopy preparing station where I got to lay down and get comfy with an IV of fluid and a nice warm blanket, and my lovely DH to crack some jokes with before we got down to business. My anesthesiologist was a doll, refering to herself as my "cocktail waitress." As soon as I got my oxygen mask on, she told me that I would feel  a little woozy, and to just relax and swallow when she sprayed the Lanicane in my mouth (awful stuff, that is!) and before I knew it, I was waking up a half hour later talking to my nurse about what I'd like to drink after the procedure. Simple as anything I've ever done.

After the procedure, and gaining a little more strength back, we headed to a place with some amazing chicken wings, and ate some lunch, only to discover that I was craving some ice cream, like, hella-bad. So the we stopped at the local Baskin Robbins to get a cone.

This is where it gets interesting.

After the ice cream, I was really thirsty.  Luckily, I had a cup of tea left over from dinner the night before that was still good.  I took the lid off of it, only to discover a LOOGIE IN MY TEA.

Now I know that it wasn't me, nor DH that did it, so then I called my brother-in-law to see if he did it. (He moved my car so he could get out of the driveway this morning.) It wasn't him either. And just when I was stumped, thinking that no one else was in our car, it dawned on me that we had a free valet parking service take our car at the front of the building. At this discovery, I was livid. I demanded DH to turn around immediately so I can speak to someone about this atrocity. 

When we arrived back to the hospital, there wasn't a soul in sight. The front door opened to the lobby where I attempted to find a manager from the hospital, but to no avail. By this time, I was seeing red. I marched back to the car, opened a notebook, and wrote a little letter to the Loogie Valet, including a few of my favorite explicit adjectives and such. I then proceeded to go back into the entryway of the hospital, tainted sweet tea in hand, and dump the contents of the cup all over the neatly stacked directional signs and main podium for the Valet Parking, leaving the note in the sticky mess.  

I'm blaming the narcotics for my behavior, but I certainly won't apologize for doing it.  I decided right then and there that I no longer am going to allow people to walk all over me, and do mean things for the sake of being assholes.  Those days are no more.

After getting 20 years worth of anger out of my system, I had a very nice evening in with friends. My sister, brother-in-law, his brother, his friend, my sister's best friend and along with my hubby and I had a little get together drinking wine and playing beer pong. And last but not least, as I was driving home, I was backing into my sister's driveway, and clipped her neighbor's vehicle, leaving some big gashes down the rear side of my car. What a perfect ending to a rainy day, huh?

Carb Crazy

My initial appointment is over and done with, and I'm more excited about this surgery than I thought. The appointment itself was a little wonky and long and overdrawn and BORING, but the meeting with the doctor was the best part without a doubt.  I'm so confident in Saint Joe's. I know I'm making the right choice. 

The appointment was long and drawn out, due mostly to the extensively lengthy mental examination, which took the greater part of three (!) hours.  When that was over with, I got my triage done and was sitting in the exam room talking to firstly, my exercise physiologist, then my nutrition counselor, and finally, my internal medicine provider.  He assured me that my age is a huge benefit for me getting the Roux-en-Y bypass, and that with my years of trying to lose weight on my own, if I have my doctor sign off for me in a timely manner, I should be able to have the operation done in mid-July. I was under the impression that I would have a 6 month grace period that I would have to wait for for my insurance to pick it up, but what a nice surprise!

In other news, I got registered for my Fall semester at Union after a wait of nearly 6 months.  I'm so glad to be going there. They are so interested in you on a personal level in the administration office, that I can hardly wait to see what my professors are like. What a nice group of people. They really run the college like one should be ran. As a business that is in turn aiding the person getting educated there, rather than a daycare that gives you a degree after 4 years of impersonal education. Also, I finally declared my major! Elementary Education with an emphasis in English and Fine Arts. It has been a long road, but I think I'm finally going to be satisfied with my career choice. For my Master's Program, I'm looking at a Library Science degree. I'd love to be a librarian eventually. Between summers, I may even lend my time off volunteering at the local public library just to gain some experience in the field to be better prepared.

Finally, in order to complete my surgery, I am required to undergo a low-carbohydrate based diet until surgery day. And let me tell you, readers, it is difficult. Especially for a gal like me who is totally in love with simple carbs. I'm tired all the time, cranky, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to sleep, but on the bright side, I get to eat as much turkey bacon as I can handle every morning! Ha ha! It is already turning into a difficult road, but in the end I know it is going to be worth it all in the end.  I'm so excited I can hardly contain my joy.

The Night Before

I have three hours before I'm supposed to wake up. Which makes things painfully obvious that I'm not asleep. Tomorrow Today is the day, folks. I go for my first appointment in t-minus 9 hours. Wow. Just, wow.  I wish I could be on here blogging about my sense of hope and happiness, but instead, I'm battling a sour stomach and rumbling guts - I'm not sure if it was something I ate for dinner, or my raw nerves grating and replaying worst-case-scenarios over and over again. Either way, it is definitely better to dwell on other things besides my maladies at the moment, and entertain my brain (and yours, hopefully) with some interesting things that have happened to me in the past month or so.


On March 4th, my sweet baby niece, Carly, was born at 5:47 pm.  She is a little miracle baby. Perfect in every sense, of course, because she takes after my perfect sister, and her perfect husband. Sigh. Isn't love grand? That day, I saw my Dad, whom I've not laid eyes on in three years previous, and was taken aback when he told me that he was seeking help from a rehabilitation clinic for his alcoholism. This time it was his own personal choice, rather than some parole agreement. I suppose he realized that he was losing every family member he had due to his violent nature when he drinks. He and my mom actually had civil words, and ended his visit with a hug and a chaste kiss to her forehead, of course leaving her in more tears than when her daughter was giving birth.


I'm looking very forward to this semester being over with, and my being able to move onto another college.  I believe that is is definitely time to hang this community college business out to dry, and start a new school with a new major and a new direction in my life.  The thing is, though, is that I have no idea what that direction is. This calls for an entirely different blog, however.

For the past few weeks, I've been having these absurd dreams. They only come maybe once or twice, only last briefly, but they have this tendency to resound in my daily thoughts enough to drive me crazy -- enough to blog about at the very least. They are about the ex-boyfriend mentioned here. Of course, I've not mentioned them to Chase yet, but if they keep developing as they have been recently, I feel like I should tell him out of pure guilt, so that I no longer have to bear feeling like I've wronged our marital bed. The thing is with this guy was that we had a very off-key relationship.  I guess you could say that we never really dated.  He was my best friend, and to this day, I feel like he was, I suppose what people refer to as my "soulmate." What we had together was more than a romantic relationship. Of course, it was the steamy, sexy, physical part that could make Danielle Steele blush that brought us together, (although we never went "all the way") but he showed me intimacy when every other guy showed me lust. I was the only person he ever cried in front of. I was his dream girl, he was my muscle man. We spent Saturdays watching football and playing Guitar Hero, and having flour fights, and kissing...lots of kissing. What we had was a whirlwind of feelings, and sharing of secrets, and trust, and it all ended in this massive ball of confusion and mixed signals - this long, drawn out climax- and before either one of us knew it, we had drifted so far apart, that we didn't even know each other. To this day  it still breaks my heart. Of course there is more to this story, but again, it's an entirely different blog.

But anyway, back to the dreams. They're simple, really. They consist of the two of us alone together, talking about what happened and we end up kissing right before I wake up. It's bothersome, honestly. I can't go on having these, because I feel like I'm deluding myself that it means something while I'm asleep, and then feel guilty about it the rest of the day. Another thing about he and I, though, is that I feel like I never had any closure in the relationship. It ended so abruptly that it would have made my head spin, if not for the painful consequences, and thankfully, the impossibility. I'm supposing this is the reason why I've had the dreams. But why now? Why after 2 and a half years? It would make infinitely more sense if it were a recent thing, this break-up. But now? I've been married almost TWO YEARS, and it's not went away yet? (Yes, I'm aware that the time frame of the break-up of the guy and me and Chase and I getting married is a bit close, and for the third time, I'll say, it's matter for another blog.)

This has actually been good for me, I think. Blogging about this. I hope I didn't bore my readers too much, what little of them I have. However, I think I'll try to sleep the 2.5 hours I have left before I'm supposed to get up and be productive.



All my love,

Robin

                                           Carly, at one month

Brief Moment of Insanity

It's been months.  It's been months since I've cared about how many Points in consuming, how much exercise I'm getting in, and how much I weigh. As a matter of fact, I've not weighed myself --with the exception of once last week, out of simple curiosity--in that whole time frame.  I've decided to let it go, and allow myself the peace of mind that I deserve.  Rather than being severely depressed through most days, and letting it affect my personal relationships, I've decided to take hold of my situation and do something that I feel is necessary for my own well-being.  Rather than letting weight-loss become a losing battle for me, and rather than letting 25 years pass me by and still be obese, I've decided to allow myself the the tools I need to live a quality life.

In 3 days, I am heading to my initial consultation -- a four hour appointment--to undergo Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. There, I will have my first round of tests ran, my body evaluated, and my medical history reviewed to better find out if I am a good candidate. 

From here on out, this blog will be an account of these events.

Between a rock, a hard place, and a squishy ring

Okay, here goes.

I am quite possibly the most frustrated with myself that I've ever been.  Tonight was yet another -.6 loss.  I have thought and debated with myself for months over this very thing, knowing that going into WW, I was going to be overly optimistic, and just end up disappointed. Don't get me wrong. I don't think it is the program that is giving me problems, it's my own body.  For some reason, I literally cannot lose weight through diet and exercise. I have been on this program for 15 weeks, and have only lost 11 lbs, and I'm only getting credit for losing 1 lbs. Over Thanksgiving, I gained 10, which is what I've been working so hard at losing, but since my starting weight was 265, I am only being credited with losing 1 lbs.  I have been thinking long and hard about something for quite a while now, and tonight has only reinforced my beliefs.  I have considered looking into, and having, a gastric banding procedure. I am totally aware of what I'm going to have said about me, but that's perfectly fine. It is my body, and my choice.  However, in my own defense, I present this:

A few weeks ago, I made an appointment at my local health department with the regional Dietitian. We discussed my eating habits, and my amount of weekly exercise, and was then told that I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing. My eating habits are primarily high in protein, fiber, veggies,  fresh fruits, I exclusively eat whole grain breads and pastas, portion controlled, and I have gotten 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week. I hardly ever snack, and if I do, it's usually something light, like a rice cake, and there hasn't been chips and soda in my house since I was 15 years old.  (Something that always bothers me about the meetings is that it is always mentioned that candy bars, soda, and chips are out of the question - you stop eating these, and you will immediately see results. Well, I don't eat ANY of that, ever, and I'm not getting necessary information to aid me with specific problems that I am encountering.)

Secondly, (keep in mind that this has nothing to do with the meetings itself, or the people that run it) I'm getting very disgruntled with WW right now.  I think that it's just a little ridiculous that I'm paying $39.95/month to be told things I already know, and to only lose 2.5 pounds per month. Now, I'm totally in love with eTools, and the Recipe Builder on the WW website, but the meetings are getting a little redundant, and I've only been with it for a little under 4 months. This being said, how am I supposed to let my meeting leader know that I am going to go through with the gastric banding, assuming I'm approved? Is there a specific protocol concerning this?

And lastly, I'm ready to just move on with my life. I have decided that I'm not going to let weight-loss be a life-long journey. I am getting the feeling that if I stick with WW, I'm going to be counting Points, and wasting nearly $500.00/ year for the rest of my life, only to not see the results I want. I've decided that upon having the gastric banding, it will only be the initial cost, plus follow-up Dr.'s visits, and have the majority of my weight loss take place in 3-5 years, leaving me with what I want to be able to be happy for the rest of my life.  It is absolutely astonishing what being obese has done to me. It is a fate, I feel, that is worse than any death. There is a huge social stigma tacked onto heavy people, your personality changes, your happiness deteriorates, your self-esteem is so far gone, that you have to teach yourself how to be happy again...

I suppose this is the end of my rant. I'm going to go have a warm shower, and try to collect my thoughts and call my insurance company first thing tomorrow morning.

It's MADNESS, I tell you! MADNESS!

As a note of forewarning, if I fall asleep at the keyboard, it's not my fault. zzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzz

It is absolutely remarkable the amount of hours I've put in the last few days, but tonight's blog is a blog of triumph. Just bear with me. Today was...in a single word, exhausting. Today was my sister, M's, baby shower, the one mentioned back a few blogs, found here. I honestly believe that my partner is a miracle worker. Chase has been the behind-the-scenes all day today making everything perfect for the new mama, and keeping tempers at an absolute minimum. We have been non-stop since 7 this morning, and only an hour ago were we home at last, ready to relax and enjoy what little of the weekend we have left.  My sister is absolutely radiant. I can honestly say that she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and adding that "baby glow" makes her look just spectacular.

Last night was quite the adventure, as well. Taking my grandmother out is always fun, HA. Let's just leave it at the fact that it took us 7(!) hours to go grocery shopping. And lucky me, I get to come home to a messy house, and get to catch up on all the homework that wasn't able to get done during the weekend. Ahh, the life of a married, independent full-time college student with NO family to speak of. LOL. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. ;)

But the complaining ends here.  I've lost 5 lbs this week, or so claims Wii Fit. I've not been to meeting, in what feels like absolute ages, (2, maybe 3 weeks) considering the impossible amount of snow and ice that hit us earlier, in the last few weeks. Mind you that this is -5 lbs from a gain last week, of +4 lbs, (which came out of nowhere!) so that leaves me at -1 lbs total weight loss from original weight. It's much better than -.6, and infinitely better than 275 pounds. And next week, I'll do even better.

Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 262.4


And I'll add pics of the shower as soon as my sister gets them uploaded, for your viewing pleasure.

.6

Yet another small loss. Frustrating, but progressive, nonetheless.

Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 263.4

I've Just Seen a Face

I have never known/The likes of this/ I've been alone
And I have missed things and kept out of sight/ But other (boys) were never quite like this
Mmmm, mmm, mmm, mmm mmm mmm...


Today was just 'one of those days'....

I didn't make it to meeting, simply because I've felt, well, sub-par the entire day. I'm not quite sure if it is something that I picked up from my mom this past weekend, or the interesting, but not-pleasant-in-the-least kind of surprise I had in store this afternoon. Anyway, I always like talking about the good things first. For Christmas last year (2009), I purchased my mom, my hubby and I tickets to see Disney's Finding Nemo On Ice. We finally got to see it last weekend. It was a long wait, but man, what a spectacular show! It was a little hard to follow for my mom though (she's never seen the animated version), so much of the time was spent explaining the plot to her as the story progressed. Even so, if a spectator who wasn't familiar with the story line went to this, there is no doubt they would have still enjoyed it. The colors used were dazzling, and the skaters themselves had so much character-depth and not to mention, STAMINA! I was very impressed to say the least. In the words of my SO, Check +, would buy from again. Unfortunately, my mom fell ill last Thursday or so, but was still a trooper enough to grin and bear it. But regardless, we all had an awesome time, at an awesome show, and ate at an awesome restaurant. The whole day was just...ahem, awesome.

Today, however is a different story. I'll only hit the highlights, and spare most of the details, but I've not felt 100% for the past day or so, and today was just the tip of the iceberg. This morning, after waiting a long, suspenseful weekend, I took an AHPT, and got a big, fat negative. I was so sure this time, but I guess my ovulation chart is somehow screwy...(gee, what else is new?) Sigh. And to top off the wonderful A.M. I had, I was 15 minutes late for my Spanish class (I'm the only one in the class), frizzy hair, naked face, and sweatclothes in tow. I was looking pretty rough. Luckily though, since the hubby didn't have to go into work today, I got chauffeured around from location to location, and when class adjourned, I found him sitting quietly in the lobby of the college. But unfortunately for me, he was not the only significant person sitting there. An ex-boyfriend, whom I was rather serious with, was the first person my eyes greeted as I came sulking down the hallway, already feeling crappy. I've not seen him since I graduated high school, hoping that I would never have to again, and what do you know? The one day that I don't do my hair, no MK on my face to make me beautiful, and old sweats swallowing me whole, 70 lbs. heavier than he remembers me, he is there. I always promised myself the the next time I saw him, he was going to eat his heart out from how fantastic I looked, and his regret would swallow him whole, you know, the typical reaction...LOL, but alas...how wrong I was. (I wondered to myself if he even recognized me, from all the weight. I'm sure he did, but there is always the fractional shred of doubt...)I then casually walked up to my lovely chauffeur, smiled my biggest smile (all the while feeling Jerkass's eyes on the back of my head), and asked to leave, as soon as humanly possible. 


I know it is nothing to those of who are long married, or proud singles, but it was a very long, difficult break-up, where I not only lost my SO, but my very best friend in the world. I've moved on, without a doubt, but the wounds are still slightly salty after this sad encounter. But life goes on, I suppose.






Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 264...I think.

Whatta relief!

I'm down 2.1 pounds! Woo!

I'm gathering that this is the hardest part about losing weight for me...but the fact that even 2.1 is a loss, not a gain, and although it's not the 4.0 I was hoping for... there are circumstances that are keeping me from losing as rapidly as most people. But as long as I'm losing, who cares?

I'm keeping this brief, but I'll post more later. As for now? Sleep.

ZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZZZZzzz


Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 264

Pre-Weigh In Frustrations

ARGGHHHGGGHGHGGGHHHHHH!  Allow me to rant before I lose my feeble mind.

I wasn't able to make is to meeting last week, as my decidedly useless (former) pharmacy "forgot" to call me about my thyroid refill, or the lack thereof. They said that they no longer can purchase Armour Thyroid from the pharmaceutical company, and then neglected to call their thyroid patients telling them that they will no long be able to fill their prescriptions, and to find someone that can. This doesn't seem like such a huge issue, except for that they are the only pharmacy that carried Armour Thyroid in an hour radius from Hyden. Luckily, after a considerable amount of time on the phone wild-goose-chasing every pharmacy in south-eastern Kentucky to see if they carry my meds, I found one in London, KY (about and hour and a half from where I live) that actually makes the medicine...but is STILL and hour and a half from home. Ridiculous.

Onto other things, my sister's baby shower is this weekend, and my mother is the effing queen of being frustrating/irritating/stressful. She's not very well off, but has a lot of friends, and that is what she is counting on to get her through planning this shower. Let her throw it, and everyone else buy the gifts. Well what she doesn't realize, is that even though she is the one who reserved the room and purchased the rinky-dink gifts to be handed out as party favors, she has put EVERYTHING ELSE on me.

/rant

Big, Fat Rut

I'm going to keep this brief, as not to bore those of you who follow me with useless filler.

My Wii Fit Plus scale and WW scale are not calibrated correctly, and I've got no clue where I am in my weight loss this week. This week has been really tough for me. When I attend meeting, I purchase all these little Mini-bars and crisps, etc. and end up eating my own body weight in snacks. So the truth comes out...

Anywho...the WW scale, which is considered Gospel Truth according to...well, everyone, I've lost 1.5 pounds...so yay. As for now, I have a wedding to attend, and I just do not have the time, nor energy to post again. So keep an eye out next Tuesday.

What To Expect

Tonight's weigh-in wasn't nearly as bad as anticipated. A loss of .6 pounds. It's a small loss, but still, it's .6 pounds I'll never have back.

But that isn't the topic of tonight's post.  A lot of things have me thinking lately about a major milestone in my life, my desire for having children.  It's very obvious that obesity and fertility are two seperate entities, one can not exist while the other thrives. *clears throat*
I recently purchased a book, What To Expect Before You're Expecting. It was a fairly educational read, there were a few dry chapters, but overall I'm satisfied. Plus, there's a super-handy fertility chart in the back. Tonight however, it seems that upon glancing over at it, that "Before" seems to be the most obvious word in the title. It's a little depressing, not only because I'm not desiring the long wait until safe conception, but because I fear that even if I regain my high-school figure, I am still going to be the Big-I-Word.

Sometimes it seems as if my body is plotting against me.  For starters, I have an underactive thyroid, leaving me with no other choice but to take medication until my dying day. I'm not even 20 years old, and I'm a thyroid patient for life. And how does thyroid function affect infertility? Let's see: unexpected weight gain, low energy, depression...but the worst of all? The fact that when you are severely affected with a thyroid condition, you have irregular periods, sometimes none at all, and getting better by the minute...YOU DO NOT OVULATE. (Arrrggraggrhhghrgh!!!)  Ugh. But continuing further down the spectrum of Murphy's Law, I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. For those who are also unaware of this disorder, it causes cysts to form on one's ovaries, which sometimes burst (quite painfully, might I add), and once again, it screws with your hormones. In my case, it has raised my insulin levels so high that my doctor was afraid of pancreatic shut down, adversly causing Type II diabetes. Not to mention, raises testosterone levels in women weighing over a certain percent, causing all kinds of lovely things (Metabolism retardation, facial hair, amenorrhea...just to name a few).

Breathe...


So where do I begin in my transition into recovery from not only my hormonal/reproductive problems, but also carrying over into my weight loss goals? I can only control one if I control the other first, but there is nowhere to begin. For example, I cannot regain normal menses until I get my weight back under control, but I can't get my weight under control because of the thing that causes my menses to be irregular. It's a neverending cycle for me.

I think this is an appropriate time to end this rant...if not, I'd keep typing until I fell asleep.



Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 266.1

"It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth."

This is a little out of the ordinary for me, considering this is a blog to serve as a written record for weight-loss, but, MLEH! It's mine, and I'm going to write what I feel like writing! ;)

Tomorrow I weigh in, and honestly, I'm terrified. LOL. I've had a crazy weekend, involving boozy drinks, lots of turkey, and worst of all Taco Bell. I'm so very glad that the holidays are OVER. No more gorging, no more eating out of respect to the hostess...So, as a little recap, this weekend was fabulous. It was exhausting, but fabulous. I made a turkey for the very first time at a get-together that a friend hosted, and it turned out to be pretty awesome, to be totally honest! Of course I overate, drank too much beer, and every other weight-loss snafu you can think of happening when you're celebrating, but thankfully, this is the last one for a fairly long time. Last week, after my blog, I weighed in on my own scale, courtesy of Wii Fit Plus, and it showed a 9.8 pound loss. (Not taking into consideration the different calibrations of each scale used.) Woo hoo!!  Obviously it won't be that now, but I've promised myself to eat light until my weigh in tomorrow. Hopefully that will compensate a little for my overdoings over the holiday weekend.

Now onto the fun stuff...

As of somewhere around March 21, I'm going to be an auntie to a little girl. My sister's baby shower is on January 30, and January 31, my mother, my hubby and I are going to see Disney's Finding Nemo on Ice. (It is a late Christmas gift that my mom has been asking for, for quite some time.) And soon after that, Valentine's Day.

Why list these things, you ask? Because they are all a part of my scheme to lose weight. As of right now, I'm weighing in at 266.7. I plan on being at 256.7 by January 30, the day of my sister's shower. And Valentine's Day? 249. I'm too excited for the day that I can say good riddance to 250s! That, incendentally, is also close to my 10%, (by a pound or two) that I am rewarded for losing at WW.  Wooo hooo!



And the title? Well, there was a prety hefty snow here...enough to freeze my water pipes, so I think it speaks for itself.

Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 266.7