Tonight's weigh-in wasn't nearly as bad as anticipated. A loss of .6 pounds. It's a small loss, but still, it's .6 pounds I'll never have back.
But that isn't the topic of tonight's post. A lot of things have me thinking lately about a major milestone in my life, my desire for having children. It's very obvious that obesity and fertility are two seperate entities, one can not exist while the other thrives. *clears throat*
I recently purchased a book, What To Expect Before You're Expecting. It was a fairly educational read, there were a few dry chapters, but overall I'm satisfied. Plus, there's a super-handy fertility chart in the back. Tonight however, it seems that upon glancing over at it, that "Before" seems to be the most obvious word in the title. It's a little depressing, not only because I'm not desiring the long wait until safe conception, but because I fear that even if I regain my high-school figure, I am still going to be the Big-I-Word.
Sometimes it seems as if my body is plotting against me. For starters, I have an underactive thyroid, leaving me with no other choice but to take medication until my dying day. I'm not even 20 years old, and I'm a thyroid patient for life. And how does thyroid function affect infertility? Let's see: unexpected weight gain, low energy, depression...but the worst of all? The fact that when you are severely affected with a thyroid condition, you have irregular periods, sometimes none at all, and getting better by the minute...YOU DO NOT OVULATE. (Arrrggraggrhhghrgh!!!) Ugh. But continuing further down the spectrum of Murphy's Law, I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. For those who are also unaware of this disorder, it causes cysts to form on one's ovaries, which sometimes burst (quite painfully, might I add), and once again, it screws with your hormones. In my case, it has raised my insulin levels so high that my doctor was afraid of pancreatic shut down, adversly causing Type II diabetes. Not to mention, raises testosterone levels in women weighing over a certain percent, causing all kinds of lovely things (Metabolism retardation, facial hair, amenorrhea...just to name a few).
Breathe...
So where do I begin in my transition into recovery from not only my hormonal/reproductive problems, but also carrying over into my weight loss goals? I can only control one if I control the other first, but there is nowhere to begin. For example, I cannot regain normal menses until I get my weight back under control, but I can't get my weight under control because of the thing that causes my menses to be irregular. It's a neverending cycle for me.
I think this is an appropriate time to end this rant...if not, I'd keep typing until I fell asleep.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 266.1
I know how upsetting it is to have a totally messed up reproductive system and its got to be so hard. But I knew most of my life that there's no way I could ever have children of course. It must be harder to find out you are dealing with challenges once you have already dreamed about it through childhood.
ReplyDeleteThe good news for you though, is that though there are challenges, they are not insurmountable, and you are on your way to taking control of your health. Losing 10 pounds, partially over the holidays, is very impressive. Hang in there! :)