Okay, here goes.
I am quite possibly the most frustrated with myself that I've ever been. Tonight was yet another -.6 loss. I have thought and debated with myself for months over this very thing, knowing that going into WW, I was going to be overly optimistic, and just end up disappointed. Don't get me wrong. I don't think it is the program that is giving me problems, it's my own body. For some reason, I literally cannot lose weight through diet and exercise. I have been on this program for 15 weeks, and have only lost 11 lbs, and I'm only getting credit for losing 1 lbs. Over Thanksgiving, I gained 10, which is what I've been working so hard at losing, but since my starting weight was 265, I am only being credited with losing 1 lbs. I have been thinking long and hard about something for quite a while now, and tonight has only reinforced my beliefs. I have considered looking into, and having, a gastric banding procedure. I am totally aware of what I'm going to have said about me, but that's perfectly fine. It is my body, and my choice. However, in my own defense, I present this:
A few weeks ago, I made an appointment at my local health department with the regional Dietitian. We discussed my eating habits, and my amount of weekly exercise, and was then told that I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing. My eating habits are primarily high in protein, fiber, veggies, fresh fruits, I exclusively eat whole grain breads and pastas, portion controlled, and I have gotten 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week. I hardly ever snack, and if I do, it's usually something light, like a rice cake, and there hasn't been chips and soda in my house since I was 15 years old. (Something that always bothers me about the meetings is that it is always mentioned that candy bars, soda, and chips are out of the question - you stop eating these, and you will immediately see results. Well, I don't eat ANY of that, ever, and I'm not getting necessary information to aid me with specific problems that I am encountering.)
Secondly, (keep in mind that this has nothing to do with the meetings itself, or the people that run it) I'm getting very disgruntled with WW right now. I think that it's just a little ridiculous that I'm paying $39.95/month to be told things I already know, and to only lose 2.5 pounds per month. Now, I'm totally in love with eTools, and the Recipe Builder on the WW website, but the meetings are getting a little redundant, and I've only been with it for a little under 4 months. This being said, how am I supposed to let my meeting leader know that I am going to go through with the gastric banding, assuming I'm approved? Is there a specific protocol concerning this?
And lastly, I'm ready to just move on with my life. I have decided that I'm not going to let weight-loss be a life-long journey. I am getting the feeling that if I stick with WW, I'm going to be counting Points, and wasting nearly $500.00/ year for the rest of my life, only to not see the results I want. I've decided that upon having the gastric banding, it will only be the initial cost, plus follow-up Dr.'s visits, and have the majority of my weight loss take place in 3-5 years, leaving me with what I want to be able to be happy for the rest of my life. It is absolutely astonishing what being obese has done to me. It is a fate, I feel, that is worse than any death. There is a huge social stigma tacked onto heavy people, your personality changes, your happiness deteriorates, your self-esteem is so far gone, that you have to teach yourself how to be happy again...
I suppose this is the end of my rant. I'm going to go have a warm shower, and try to collect my thoughts and call my insurance company first thing tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
It's MADNESS, I tell you! MADNESS!
As a note of forewarning, if I fall asleep at the keyboard, it's not my fault. zzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzz
It is absolutely remarkable the amount of hours I've put in the last few days, but tonight's blog is a blog of triumph. Just bear with me. Today was...in a single word, exhausting. Today was my sister, M's, baby shower, the one mentioned back a few blogs, found here. I honestly believe that my partner is a miracle worker. Chase has been the behind-the-scenes all day today making everything perfect for the new mama, and keeping tempers at an absolute minimum. We have been non-stop since 7 this morning, and only an hour ago were we home at last, ready to relax and enjoy what little of the weekend we have left. My sister is absolutely radiant. I can honestly say that she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and adding that "baby glow" makes her look just spectacular.
Last night was quite the adventure, as well. Taking my grandmother out is always fun, HA. Let's just leave it at the fact that it took us 7(!) hours to go grocery shopping. And lucky me, I get to come home to a messy house, and get to catch up on all the homework that wasn't able to get done during the weekend. Ahh, the life of a married, independent full-time college student with NO family to speak of. LOL. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. ;)
But the complaining ends here. I've lost 5 lbs this week, or so claims Wii Fit. I've not been to meeting, in what feels like absolute ages, (2, maybe 3 weeks) considering the impossible amount of snow and ice that hit us earlier, in the last few weeks. Mind you that this is -5 lbs from a gain last week, of +4 lbs, (which came out of nowhere!) so that leaves me at -1 lbs total weight loss from original weight. It's much better than -.6, and infinitely better than 275 pounds. And next week, I'll do even better.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 262.4
And I'll add pics of the shower as soon as my sister gets them uploaded, for your viewing pleasure.
It is absolutely remarkable the amount of hours I've put in the last few days, but tonight's blog is a blog of triumph. Just bear with me. Today was...in a single word, exhausting. Today was my sister, M's, baby shower, the one mentioned back a few blogs, found here. I honestly believe that my partner is a miracle worker. Chase has been the behind-the-scenes all day today making everything perfect for the new mama, and keeping tempers at an absolute minimum. We have been non-stop since 7 this morning, and only an hour ago were we home at last, ready to relax and enjoy what little of the weekend we have left. My sister is absolutely radiant. I can honestly say that she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and adding that "baby glow" makes her look just spectacular.
Last night was quite the adventure, as well. Taking my grandmother out is always fun, HA. Let's just leave it at the fact that it took us 7(!) hours to go grocery shopping. And lucky me, I get to come home to a messy house, and get to catch up on all the homework that wasn't able to get done during the weekend. Ahh, the life of a married, independent full-time college student with NO family to speak of. LOL. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. ;)
But the complaining ends here. I've lost 5 lbs this week, or so claims Wii Fit. I've not been to meeting, in what feels like absolute ages, (2, maybe 3 weeks) considering the impossible amount of snow and ice that hit us earlier, in the last few weeks. Mind you that this is -5 lbs from a gain last week, of +4 lbs, (which came out of nowhere!) so that leaves me at -1 lbs total weight loss from original weight. It's much better than -.6, and infinitely better than 275 pounds. And next week, I'll do even better.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 262.4
And I'll add pics of the shower as soon as my sister gets them uploaded, for your viewing pleasure.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
.6
Yet another small loss. Frustrating, but progressive, nonetheless.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 263.4
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 263.4
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I've Just Seen a Face
I have never known/The likes of this/ I've been alone
And I have missed things and kept out of sight/ But other (boys) were never quite like this
Mmmm, mmm, mmm, mmm mmm mmm...
Today was just 'one of those days'....
I didn't make it to meeting, simply because I've felt, well, sub-par the entire day. I'm not quite sure if it is something that I picked up from my mom this past weekend, or the interesting, but not-pleasant-in-the-least kind of surprise I had in store this afternoon. Anyway, I always like talking about the good things first. For Christmas last year (2009), I purchased my mom, my hubby and I tickets to see Disney's Finding Nemo On Ice. We finally got to see it last weekend. It was a long wait, but man, what a spectacular show! It was a little hard to follow for my mom though (she's never seen the animated version), so much of the time was spent explaining the plot to her as the story progressed. Even so, if a spectator who wasn't familiar with the story line went to this, there is no doubt they would have still enjoyed it. The colors used were dazzling, and the skaters themselves had so much character-depth and not to mention, STAMINA! I was very impressed to say the least. In the words of my SO, Check +, would buy from again. Unfortunately, my mom fell ill last Thursday or so, but was still a trooper enough to grin and bear it. But regardless, we all had an awesome time, at an awesome show, and ate at an awesome restaurant. The whole day was just...ahem, awesome.
Today, however is a different story. I'll only hit the highlights, and spare most of the details, but I've not felt 100% for the past day or so, and today was just the tip of the iceberg. This morning, after waiting a long, suspenseful weekend, I took an AHPT, and got a big, fat negative. I was so sure this time, but I guess my ovulation chart is somehow screwy...(gee, what else is new?) Sigh. And to top off the wonderful A.M. I had, I was 15 minutes late for my Spanish class (I'm the only one in the class), frizzy hair, naked face, and sweatclothes in tow. I was looking pretty rough. Luckily though, since the hubby didn't have to go into work today, I got chauffeured around from location to location, and when class adjourned, I found him sitting quietly in the lobby of the college. But unfortunately for me, he was not the only significant person sitting there. An ex-boyfriend, whom I was rather serious with, was the first person my eyes greeted as I came sulking down the hallway, already feeling crappy. I've not seen him since I graduated high school, hoping that I would never have to again, and what do you know? The one day that I don't do my hair, no MK on my face to make me beautiful, and old sweats swallowing me whole, 70 lbs. heavier than he remembers me, he is there. I always promised myself the the next time I saw him, he was going to eat his heart out from how fantastic I looked, and his regret would swallow him whole, you know, the typical reaction...LOL, but alas...how wrong I was. (I wondered to myself if he even recognized me, from all the weight. I'm sure he did, but there is always the fractional shred of doubt...)I then casually walked up to my lovely chauffeur, smiled my biggest smile (all the while feeling Jerkass's eyes on the back of my head), and asked to leave, as soon as humanly possible.
I know it is nothing to those of who are long married, or proud singles, but it was a very long, difficult break-up, where I not only lost my SO, but my very best friend in the world. I've moved on, without a doubt, but the wounds are still slightly salty after this sad encounter. But life goes on, I suppose.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 264...I think.
And I have missed things and kept out of sight/ But other (boys) were never quite like this
Mmmm, mmm, mmm, mmm mmm mmm...
Today was just 'one of those days'....
I didn't make it to meeting, simply because I've felt, well, sub-par the entire day. I'm not quite sure if it is something that I picked up from my mom this past weekend, or the interesting, but not-pleasant-in-the-least kind of surprise I had in store this afternoon. Anyway, I always like talking about the good things first. For Christmas last year (2009), I purchased my mom, my hubby and I tickets to see Disney's Finding Nemo On Ice. We finally got to see it last weekend. It was a long wait, but man, what a spectacular show! It was a little hard to follow for my mom though (she's never seen the animated version), so much of the time was spent explaining the plot to her as the story progressed. Even so, if a spectator who wasn't familiar with the story line went to this, there is no doubt they would have still enjoyed it. The colors used were dazzling, and the skaters themselves had so much character-depth and not to mention, STAMINA! I was very impressed to say the least. In the words of my SO, Check +, would buy from again. Unfortunately, my mom fell ill last Thursday or so, but was still a trooper enough to grin and bear it. But regardless, we all had an awesome time, at an awesome show, and ate at an awesome restaurant. The whole day was just...ahem, awesome.
Today, however is a different story. I'll only hit the highlights, and spare most of the details, but I've not felt 100% for the past day or so, and today was just the tip of the iceberg. This morning, after waiting a long, suspenseful weekend, I took an AHPT, and got a big, fat negative. I was so sure this time, but I guess my ovulation chart is somehow screwy...(gee, what else is new?) Sigh. And to top off the wonderful A.M. I had, I was 15 minutes late for my Spanish class (I'm the only one in the class), frizzy hair, naked face, and sweatclothes in tow. I was looking pretty rough. Luckily though, since the hubby didn't have to go into work today, I got chauffeured around from location to location, and when class adjourned, I found him sitting quietly in the lobby of the college. But unfortunately for me, he was not the only significant person sitting there. An ex-boyfriend, whom I was rather serious with, was the first person my eyes greeted as I came sulking down the hallway, already feeling crappy. I've not seen him since I graduated high school, hoping that I would never have to again, and what do you know? The one day that I don't do my hair, no MK on my face to make me beautiful, and old sweats swallowing me whole, 70 lbs. heavier than he remembers me, he is there. I always promised myself the the next time I saw him, he was going to eat his heart out from how fantastic I looked, and his regret would swallow him whole, you know, the typical reaction...LOL, but alas...how wrong I was. (I wondered to myself if he even recognized me, from all the weight. I'm sure he did, but there is always the fractional shred of doubt...)I then casually walked up to my lovely chauffeur, smiled my biggest smile (all the while feeling Jerkass's eyes on the back of my head), and asked to leave, as soon as humanly possible.
I know it is nothing to those of who are long married, or proud singles, but it was a very long, difficult break-up, where I not only lost my SO, but my very best friend in the world. I've moved on, without a doubt, but the wounds are still slightly salty after this sad encounter. But life goes on, I suppose.
Starting weight - 275
Current weight - 264...I think.
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