Okay, here goes.
I am quite possibly the most frustrated with myself that I've ever been. Tonight was yet another -.6 loss. I have thought and debated with myself for months over this very thing, knowing that going into WW, I was going to be overly optimistic, and just end up disappointed. Don't get me wrong. I don't think it is the program that is giving me problems, it's my own body. For some reason, I literally cannot lose weight through diet and exercise. I have been on this program for 15 weeks, and have only lost 11 lbs, and I'm only getting credit for losing 1 lbs. Over Thanksgiving, I gained 10, which is what I've been working so hard at losing, but since my starting weight was 265, I am only being credited with losing 1 lbs. I have been thinking long and hard about something for quite a while now, and tonight has only reinforced my beliefs. I have considered looking into, and having, a gastric banding procedure. I am totally aware of what I'm going to have said about me, but that's perfectly fine. It is my body, and my choice. However, in my own defense, I present this:
A few weeks ago, I made an appointment at my local health department with the regional Dietitian. We discussed my eating habits, and my amount of weekly exercise, and was then told that I am doing everything that I am supposed to be doing. My eating habits are primarily high in protein, fiber, veggies, fresh fruits, I exclusively eat whole grain breads and pastas, portion controlled, and I have gotten 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week. I hardly ever snack, and if I do, it's usually something light, like a rice cake, and there hasn't been chips and soda in my house since I was 15 years old. (Something that always bothers me about the meetings is that it is always mentioned that candy bars, soda, and chips are out of the question - you stop eating these, and you will immediately see results. Well, I don't eat ANY of that, ever, and I'm not getting necessary information to aid me with specific problems that I am encountering.)
Secondly, (keep in mind that this has nothing to do with the meetings itself, or the people that run it) I'm getting very disgruntled with WW right now. I think that it's just a little ridiculous that I'm paying $39.95/month to be told things I already know, and to only lose 2.5 pounds per month. Now, I'm totally in love with eTools, and the Recipe Builder on the WW website, but the meetings are getting a little redundant, and I've only been with it for a little under 4 months. This being said, how am I supposed to let my meeting leader know that I am going to go through with the gastric banding, assuming I'm approved? Is there a specific protocol concerning this?
And lastly, I'm ready to just move on with my life. I have decided that I'm not going to let weight-loss be a life-long journey. I am getting the feeling that if I stick with WW, I'm going to be counting Points, and wasting nearly $500.00/ year for the rest of my life, only to not see the results I want. I've decided that upon having the gastric banding, it will only be the initial cost, plus follow-up Dr.'s visits, and have the majority of my weight loss take place in 3-5 years, leaving me with what I want to be able to be happy for the rest of my life. It is absolutely astonishing what being obese has done to me. It is a fate, I feel, that is worse than any death. There is a huge social stigma tacked onto heavy people, your personality changes, your happiness deteriorates, your self-esteem is so far gone, that you have to teach yourself how to be happy again...
I suppose this is the end of my rant. I'm going to go have a warm shower, and try to collect my thoughts and call my insurance company first thing tomorrow morning.
I won't pretend to know what you're going thru, because I don't. My wife did lose fifty pounds last year, down to 145, and she had to really stick to a diet/exercise regimen. But then, she got the reinforcement of losing a pound or two each week.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your situation pains you and embarrasses you. I see nothing wrong with looking into gastric banding. It sounds like you already know how to stick to a diet, which is the most important element for success. I think you'd be a great candidate for it.
Thanks for the lovely comment, btw. I think you're pretty sweet, Robin.